Sarah’s Blog
Hi, I’m Sarah. I absolved the preperatory course ‘Filmscoring and Production’ at Musicube Academy and now I am a second year student of Composition for Film and Theatre. In this blog I’m gonna share my personal experience as a student at ArtEZ in Arnhem.
Any questions: sarahs_blog@yahoo.com
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I guess everyone knows this feeling when you have to present something in front of the class, or you have to show some personal work to someone. I remember one time I had to show a song of mine at musicube. My heart was racing, and I was just waiting for it to be over. I don’t recall ever being that nervous before and I don’t really know the reason. I knew all the people and I felt comfortable in my group. On the one hand I wanted to show what I’ve done but on the other hand it made me incredibly vulnerable.
Last time in our main subject class we talked about stage fright. It’s terrible and I know it myself very well. The fact that people are listening and might judge what you do keeps you from doing your best. This is so frustrating and at the same time so unnecessary.
But I also experienced that an audience can create a space where you’re performing in a way you couldn’t without them. I wish I could give you a recipe to overcome stage fright or fear in general, but the truth is I haven’t made it that far yet.
All I know is that fear goes way back and when it’s triggered it controls our whole body. But where does it come from? It sits deep in our brain and is very individual. But it also means that there is a way to overcome it. It has nothing to do with outer circumstances because there are people who can deal with it. Fear is our reaction to something and that we can train. For example, if somebody is rude to you and you feel hurt, you usually react with anger. But that’s a decision. We don’t always decide consciously but we always decide and that’s where we can change something.
You might wonder why I’m talking about all these things. Cause usually a film composer works in their small room all by themselves. But we’re in the same situation every time we show our work to somebody.
Last year I saw people talking about their music like it was the best thing they’ve ever wrote, and it had the effect that the person who it was presented to actually thought it was great. Of course, you could argue that it maybe just was great music but I also saw the opposite thing happening. How you present your music changes the perception of the listener. Everything is relative (Einstein said), so there is no fixed value for things.
I know, self-doubt can be one of the hardest things on people. Of course it can increase the quality of your work. But it can also stand in your way. It’s like with everything, you need to find a balance. Sometimes it feels easier to be underestimated and to surprise than to be overestimated but you can’t fulfil the expectations.
I haven’t found a situation where fear is our friend. Maybe when a bear attacks us, and fear makes us run for our life. But in our world these kinds of danger almost don’t exist anymore. Still our nervous system is triggered so often, and this fear/stress is misplaced and not helpful.
I think the way to deal with it is to push yourself to do those things that make you fear and to not back away if something frightens you. Eventually one day it will vanish, and you will be able to show yourself to the world 🙂
Be brave!
All the best,
Sarah